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shimotsukiFirst point: I'm working on Order, I promise. :)
But, it's also been a busy and somewhat stressful couple of weeks at work, and I found myself looking around for hurt/comfort fic. Which inexorably led to a plotbunny for one of my own. Warning: fluff, angst, and emo abound here, quite possibly more than is called for, lol. But I had some fun writing it, so here goes. (Thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mrstater for keeping me from chickening out about actually posting this!)
I don't even know if this will end up as part of a Kaleidoscope chapter, or if it's just sort of an outtake. But it takes place after Remus comes home in early DH. In the Kaleidoscope timeline, they were married right after the July full moon, and this is now the moon in August.
Taking Care (1360 words | PG)
Tonks and Remus are still learning how to build trust again. But the full moon interferes, as it always does.
Taking Care
Tonks sat, bleary-eyed, at the table in her parents’ kitchen. It was early enough in the morning that the sky and the pond were still the colour of lead, and only one bird had begun to sing.
At least the bloated, leering moon had set. Finally.
Her cold fingers were wrapped around a cup of strong tea, and last night’s Evening Prophet was spread out on the table in front of her, but the knot in her stomach was enough to keep her awake all on its own.
It was just as well. The tea was nice, of course—her mother’s favourite Darjeeling. But the Prophet was even further given over to rubbish than it had been before You-Know-Who took over the Ministry. Tonks usually made a point of combing through the nonsense for any crumbs of real news they might have let slip in. This morning, though, she couldn’t concentrate.
She kept finding that she was staring at the fireplace.
“It’s all right,” she whispered to herself. “We don’t have to get it all sorted the very first month.”
And then the fire went green.
Remus tripped, stepping out of the Floo, but he caught hold of the edge of the fireplace and managed to stay on his feet.
He saw her, and his gaunt face lit in a smile.
She caught her breath and smiled back.
But then his thoughts must have caught up with him, because the smile faded, and his brows knit.
She held onto her own smile and tried not to sigh.
“Dora,” he said. The rasp in his voice made her throat burn in sympathy. “You didn’t have to get up just for me—you need your rest.”
The sigh prevailed.
“I’m fine,” she said, firmly. “Went to bed early last night.” She waved her wand and floated tea things and a bowl of rich hot porridge over to the table. “Come on—sit, and have some breakfast.” She hesitated, then, for the first time. “Unless you’d rather have a sleep first?”
“No,” he said, looking away. “It’s better later if I have something to eat now.” He limped over to take a seat at the table and met her gaze with another smile, sheepish this time. He touched her hand. “Thank you for making breakfast for me.”
Tonks watched him eat, pleased when he made mmm noises and attacked the porridge with relish. He even let her fill his bowl again.
“That was lovely,” he said after the second bowl, leaning over to gave her a quick kiss. “I’d better go up now, and try get a little sleep.”
She kissed him back, and touched his cheek, and his eyes closed for an instant. Then he smiled at her—sheepishly, again—and made his way upstairs.
She listened to his painfully slow tread on the stairs, and dug her nails into her palms, so she wouldn’t rush off after him to help.
~ * ~
Remus was still in the bathroom when Tonks went upstairs. The bed was badly rumpled from her own restless night, so she shook out the covers and turned them down. Then she perched at the foot of the bed and waited.
His careful steps faltered when he saw her. “Dora? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” she said, brightly. “I wondered if it would help if I rubbed your shoulders a bit before you went to sleep.”
Remus looked like he was about to drop where he stood, but he managed to stay upright, holding onto the bedpost.
“I’m fine,” he said, quietly, looking past her ear. “I just need to sleep for a while.”
Damn. She’d thought they were further along with this than they obviously were—
“Dora?” The mattress dipped.
She looked up to see him sitting on the edge of the bed, grey-faced, trying to read her.
“Please don’t think I’m not grateful that you’re concerned about me.” He coughed a little. It didn’t ease the rasp. “But I can manage on my own. Really.”
Anger sparked. She didn’t mean to let it, not when he was in this state, and she looked away quickly.
But he had seen.
“This matters to you,” he said, quietly. “I didn’t realise—”
She took a deep breath. “Go to sleep, Remus. We can talk about it later.”
He lay down, sliding under the covers, but his eyes never left hers. She made to leave, standing up and bending to kiss him on the forehead.
He reached out and caught her hand. “If you want to know the truth—”
“Always.”
He swallowed. “I was afraid.”
She sat back down on the edge of the bed, his fingers still tangled in hers. “Of what?”
“It’s this time of the month, more than any other, that I risk being a burden.” He closed his eyes. “The more I ask for help, moon after moon, the sooner the day will come when I find I’ve asked too much. And if I’ve grown to count on that help...” He trailed off, turning his face away.
Tonks couldn’t decide whether she wanted to gather him up and hold him close or to shake him. Her fingers tightened around his. “I meant what I said the other day, Remus. I need you here, more than anything, but it isn’t going to work between us without trust.”
His eyes flew open, and she could see shadows there that weren’t from the transformation. “I swear. I’ll promise as many times as you need to hear it. I’ll never leave you and the baby again.”
She sighed, shaking her head. “What I meant was, you have to trust me, too.”
“I do.” Now his fingers clung to hers. “With my life.”
“Then let me help you,” she whispered. “Let me try to make it a little bit better.”
He stared.
She touched his cheek again. His breath caught.
“Go on,” she said, disentangling her hand from his and giving his shoulder a little nudge. “Roll over.”
He complied, turning stiffly onto his stomach.
She rested her hands on his shoulders for a moment, feeling the whisper-softness of his threadbare pyjamas. She brushed light circles over his back, searching gently for where the knots and tight places lurked.
Then she flexed her fingers, gritted her teeth, and dug in with her thumbs along the sides of his spine.
He gasped, harsh and raw. The muscles of his back spasmed almost violently.
Tonks froze, her hands light and flat along his back again. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you—Poppy Pomfrey had said this might help—”
“Don’t stop,” he rasped. “Please. That helps so much—”
“Oh,” she said, around a sudden lump in her throat. “Good.”
She worked on, down his back, across his shoulders, along each arm and leg. By the time she had finished, his breaths were slow and even and his eyes were closed. She rested her hands on his shoulderblades one last time and leaned up to brush a kiss across his temple.
His eyes opened, and she thought she would drown in the longing he was letting her see, at last.
“Stay?” he mumbled. “Just for a few minutes?”
For the first time since the whole mess at the Ministry had started, Tonks was actually glad that she had no job to go to anymore.
She skirted the foot of the bed and climbed in on her own side. Remus rolled over, with his back to her, and she curled carefully around him. He relaxed against her, with a soft sigh that made her heart ache and float at the same time. She draped an arm around his waist. He caught her hand again, lacing their fingers together.
It had been a long restless night, and an early morning. But Tonks had time for one last thought before she drifted off to sleep—
If this was how they would be handling moons, it wasn’t such a bad start.
~ fin ~
"Kaleidoscope" series index
.
But, it's also been a busy and somewhat stressful couple of weeks at work, and I found myself looking around for hurt/comfort fic. Which inexorably led to a plotbunny for one of my own. Warning: fluff, angst, and emo abound here, quite possibly more than is called for, lol. But I had some fun writing it, so here goes. (Thanks to
mrstater for keeping me from chickening out about actually posting this!)I don't even know if this will end up as part of a Kaleidoscope chapter, or if it's just sort of an outtake. But it takes place after Remus comes home in early DH. In the Kaleidoscope timeline, they were married right after the July full moon, and this is now the moon in August.
Taking Care (1360 words | PG)
Tonks and Remus are still learning how to build trust again. But the full moon interferes, as it always does.
Tonks sat, bleary-eyed, at the table in her parents’ kitchen. It was early enough in the morning that the sky and the pond were still the colour of lead, and only one bird had begun to sing.
At least the bloated, leering moon had set. Finally.
Her cold fingers were wrapped around a cup of strong tea, and last night’s Evening Prophet was spread out on the table in front of her, but the knot in her stomach was enough to keep her awake all on its own.
It was just as well. The tea was nice, of course—her mother’s favourite Darjeeling. But the Prophet was even further given over to rubbish than it had been before You-Know-Who took over the Ministry. Tonks usually made a point of combing through the nonsense for any crumbs of real news they might have let slip in. This morning, though, she couldn’t concentrate.
She kept finding that she was staring at the fireplace.
“It’s all right,” she whispered to herself. “We don’t have to get it all sorted the very first month.”
And then the fire went green.
Remus tripped, stepping out of the Floo, but he caught hold of the edge of the fireplace and managed to stay on his feet.
He saw her, and his gaunt face lit in a smile.
She caught her breath and smiled back.
But then his thoughts must have caught up with him, because the smile faded, and his brows knit.
She held onto her own smile and tried not to sigh.
“Dora,” he said. The rasp in his voice made her throat burn in sympathy. “You didn’t have to get up just for me—you need your rest.”
The sigh prevailed.
“I’m fine,” she said, firmly. “Went to bed early last night.” She waved her wand and floated tea things and a bowl of rich hot porridge over to the table. “Come on—sit, and have some breakfast.” She hesitated, then, for the first time. “Unless you’d rather have a sleep first?”
“No,” he said, looking away. “It’s better later if I have something to eat now.” He limped over to take a seat at the table and met her gaze with another smile, sheepish this time. He touched her hand. “Thank you for making breakfast for me.”
Tonks watched him eat, pleased when he made mmm noises and attacked the porridge with relish. He even let her fill his bowl again.
“That was lovely,” he said after the second bowl, leaning over to gave her a quick kiss. “I’d better go up now, and try get a little sleep.”
She kissed him back, and touched his cheek, and his eyes closed for an instant. Then he smiled at her—sheepishly, again—and made his way upstairs.
She listened to his painfully slow tread on the stairs, and dug her nails into her palms, so she wouldn’t rush off after him to help.
Remus was still in the bathroom when Tonks went upstairs. The bed was badly rumpled from her own restless night, so she shook out the covers and turned them down. Then she perched at the foot of the bed and waited.
His careful steps faltered when he saw her. “Dora? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” she said, brightly. “I wondered if it would help if I rubbed your shoulders a bit before you went to sleep.”
Remus looked like he was about to drop where he stood, but he managed to stay upright, holding onto the bedpost.
“I’m fine,” he said, quietly, looking past her ear. “I just need to sleep for a while.”
Damn. She’d thought they were further along with this than they obviously were—
“Dora?” The mattress dipped.
She looked up to see him sitting on the edge of the bed, grey-faced, trying to read her.
“Please don’t think I’m not grateful that you’re concerned about me.” He coughed a little. It didn’t ease the rasp. “But I can manage on my own. Really.”
Anger sparked. She didn’t mean to let it, not when he was in this state, and she looked away quickly.
But he had seen.
“This matters to you,” he said, quietly. “I didn’t realise—”
She took a deep breath. “Go to sleep, Remus. We can talk about it later.”
He lay down, sliding under the covers, but his eyes never left hers. She made to leave, standing up and bending to kiss him on the forehead.
He reached out and caught her hand. “If you want to know the truth—”
“Always.”
He swallowed. “I was afraid.”
She sat back down on the edge of the bed, his fingers still tangled in hers. “Of what?”
“It’s this time of the month, more than any other, that I risk being a burden.” He closed his eyes. “The more I ask for help, moon after moon, the sooner the day will come when I find I’ve asked too much. And if I’ve grown to count on that help...” He trailed off, turning his face away.
Tonks couldn’t decide whether she wanted to gather him up and hold him close or to shake him. Her fingers tightened around his. “I meant what I said the other day, Remus. I need you here, more than anything, but it isn’t going to work between us without trust.”
His eyes flew open, and she could see shadows there that weren’t from the transformation. “I swear. I’ll promise as many times as you need to hear it. I’ll never leave you and the baby again.”
She sighed, shaking her head. “What I meant was, you have to trust me, too.”
“I do.” Now his fingers clung to hers. “With my life.”
“Then let me help you,” she whispered. “Let me try to make it a little bit better.”
He stared.
She touched his cheek again. His breath caught.
“Go on,” she said, disentangling her hand from his and giving his shoulder a little nudge. “Roll over.”
He complied, turning stiffly onto his stomach.
She rested her hands on his shoulders for a moment, feeling the whisper-softness of his threadbare pyjamas. She brushed light circles over his back, searching gently for where the knots and tight places lurked.
Then she flexed her fingers, gritted her teeth, and dug in with her thumbs along the sides of his spine.
He gasped, harsh and raw. The muscles of his back spasmed almost violently.
Tonks froze, her hands light and flat along his back again. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you—Poppy Pomfrey had said this might help—”
“Don’t stop,” he rasped. “Please. That helps so much—”
“Oh,” she said, around a sudden lump in her throat. “Good.”
She worked on, down his back, across his shoulders, along each arm and leg. By the time she had finished, his breaths were slow and even and his eyes were closed. She rested her hands on his shoulderblades one last time and leaned up to brush a kiss across his temple.
His eyes opened, and she thought she would drown in the longing he was letting her see, at last.
“Stay?” he mumbled. “Just for a few minutes?”
For the first time since the whole mess at the Ministry had started, Tonks was actually glad that she had no job to go to anymore.
She skirted the foot of the bed and climbed in on her own side. Remus rolled over, with his back to her, and she curled carefully around him. He relaxed against her, with a soft sigh that made her heart ache and float at the same time. She draped an arm around his waist. He caught her hand again, lacing their fingers together.
It had been a long restless night, and an early morning. But Tonks had time for one last thought before she drifted off to sleep—
If this was how they would be handling moons, it wasn’t such a bad start.
"Kaleidoscope" series index
.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 12:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 01:03 am (UTC)I picture Remus as someone who has gone so long without having anyone to trust that he just assumes he has to fend for himself. It's a good thing he has Tonks now to knock some sense into him, heh.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 04:32 am (UTC)“This matters to you,” he said, quietly. “I didn’t realise—” I LOVE this line. Remus is so concerned with not being a burden, and his own trust issues, that it doesn't even occur to him that his wife, might WANT to help him! So once again in trying to "protect" Tonks, he is hurting her.
Is it wrong that I miss fictional characters when I haven't visited with them in a while?
On a side note. I think the people at Farmville, must be fanboys or girls! There are Halloween decorations you can buy. One of which is a "Werewolf Shack" and another is a Dire Wolf! @ universes represented!
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 02:11 pm (UTC)Remus is so concerned with not being a burden, and his own trust issues, that it doesn't even occur to him that his wife, might WANT to help him!
Exactly what I was going for. At least by now he's at the point where when he realizes that he's hurting her, he actually tries to stop!
That's great about the "Werewolf Shack" on Farmville, lol.
Thanks so much for the comments!
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 12:06 pm (UTC)This is really well done; it starts out all spikey and painful for both, and then the ending is like a warm, comforting hug itself. I thought Remus was going to prove yet again that you can sleep with someone and trust them with your life, but it's risking your whole heart that is essential. How lucky he is that Tonks puts herself out there for him every time (love that she's obviously talked to Poppy about how best to help), and it's postitively grin-inducing when he asks her not to stop.
And if I’ve grown to count on that help...”
That makes me think that's exactly what happened during those Marauder years. Hogwarts must have seemed such a gift, one where he didn't expect to make friends which made them matter even more, and the closest to feeling accepted and 'normal' that he ever came. It must be hard to believe it could happen twice, and that it won't be snatched away once more.
Re saying thanks for something sporadic... :) I can't resist also saying H-Asta la vista baby! ;)
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 02:26 pm (UTC)(love that she's obviously talked to Poppy about how best to help)
That's another persistent plotbunny, heh. Someday!
It must be hard to believe it could happen twice, and that it won't be snatched away once more.
The big grin here means that this is exactly what I think is going on with Remus -- it's the new element I've tried to emphasize in revising/finishing "Order," and I think it has a lot to do with his history with Tonks as well. He's used to putting up with a lot, but he's afraid that if things get better it will only be temporary and moreover he'll have weakened his ability to deal with the worst stuff.
I think part of my fascination with post-moon Remus is that he habitually keeps himself under such iron emotional control, but that's got to be harder when he's physically exhausted, so more of the genuine emotions leak! And I think one aspect of his stubbornness in this story is that he knows that once he gives in, he'll want the help so badly.
I can't resist also saying H-Asta la vista baby! ;)
LOL!
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 10:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-11 12:25 am (UTC)