Drabbles, part 4

[shimotsuki]

The drabble meme is popping up all over my f-list again, which is great fun. But it also reminds me that I never quite finished the last one, from August(!).

This is one of the non-HP fandoms that I most wanted an excuse to try. Except that when it came down to it and I had prompt in hand, I discovered I was all intimidated, heh. But now, without further ado, let me present:

[For gilpin25 — Discworld: Carrot/Angua, and child. 350 words. G.]

Expectations
A teeming den of thieves.

A cutpurse with a long sharp knife.

A dwarf baker whose battle bread has just been insulted.

Angua's list of Things She'd Rather Be Facing At The Moment was growing quickly.

A troll out of his mind on Slab. Or even bad Scrape.

Lady Sybil had swept into the Watch House like a ship at full sail. "Oh, Angua! I need to talk to Sam. Would you look after Young Sam for me, just for a minute?"

Angua's mouth had opened. It had closed. No sound had come out. But apparently Lady Sybil thought mouth motion was a sign of assent.

In any case, Angua now found herself staring helplessly down at Young Sam. His face had gone an alarming shade of red. His eyes were screwed tightly shut. And he was taking a very deep breath.

A silver collar with my name engraved on it.

"Look," she said, her mind scrabbling for purchase inside her shiny helmet. "I'll find you something nice to play with until Mummy comes back. How's that?"

Young Sam opened his eyes. The impending howl emerged as a vaguely intrigued "Ulp."

Ledger—teacup—mace? The array of objects on Angua's desk was not exactly approved for early childhood education.

The small red lip began to tremble again.

"Here we are!" said Angua brightly. One hand went to her belt and loosened the first non-sharp object it found. "A truncheon!"

Young Sam's eyes lit up. He reached for the truncheon, which, now that Angua had a chance to look at it in good light, seemed to be covered with a number of dark greasy-looking smears.

"There's a good boy," she said weakly, watching him gnaw at it. Maybe she could hide the thing before Lady Sybil saw it.

"Angua!"

Carrot stood there, beaming at her. Her pulse quickened at the sight of his smile (damn him).

"You see? I told you there was nothing to worry about." He came over to give Young Sam a gentle pat on the head with one broad hand. "Of course you're good with children."

.

Comments

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

I can easily erase any lingering worries over last August by saying that only the other day I found a note on my pad of things I had to reply to, which included questions you'd asked me about a certain Mr. Yuhong. Let's just say, the date of that made August look quite recent...

This is really excellent. You've captured the humour and the characters so well (not that I expected anything else); I love the impression that Sybil just takes assent to her requests for granted, Angua's wonderful and totally unfeminine list of things she'd rather face, the way she deals with Young Sam so nervously but practically with the first, relatively safe thing to hand, and, of course, Carrot making a perfectly Carrot-like observation at the end - and I just know that pat on the head will have had Young Sam cooing devotedly up at him.

It's a good title, too. Great job, well worth waiting for, and I hope you'll do some more now you've taken the truncheon er, plunge!:D

[shimotsuki.livejournal.com]

Let's just say, the date of that made August look quite recent...

Hee hee. As long as no one's actually keeping track, we're all fine. ;)

You've captured the humour and the characters

Thanks! I'm very happy you thought so. It was fun trying to imagine what little jokes and asides Pratchett might inject into a scene like this.

The whole idea of child must be such a loaded one for these two, given the implications of their respective ...heritages. I had imagined Angua putting Carrot off with the excuse that she isn't good with kids, so this little incident could also be Carrot letting Angua know that particular excuse isn't really going to fly.

Where I'm really not happy is with the language style/narrative voice. I did make some effort to sound more like Pratchett, and it may be partway there -- but not far enough, because reading it over today all it sounds like is me. Still, I'm glad I tried, and maybe now that I've done it once I'll try again. So thank you for the prompt and inspiration! (And patience, lol.)

ETA: I didn't properly appreciate your icon the first time I saw it. Mr. Shine -- him diamond?

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

I did make some effort to sound more like Pratchett, and it may be partway there -- but not far enough, because reading it over today all it sounds like is me.

Sounds Pratchett-like and definitely Angua-like to me. :) She's probably about the sanest-sounding narrator you could have gone for? ;) I think perhaps you feel it more yourself because my S & S one felt like me 'faking' Jane Austen, with my phrasing/words thrown in. Whereas I've got so used to R/T, it's now me with magical bits thrown in when I suddenly remember they're someone else's characters. ;)

I didn't properly appreciate your icon the first time I saw it. Mr. Shine -- him diamond?

LOL!:D You're making me want to read Thud again!

[shimotsuki.livejournal.com]

She's probably about the sanest-sounding narrator you could have gone for? ;)

LOL -- I think you've got a point there.

I think when I write Potter fic, I don't deliberately set out to try to sound like JKR (except in dialogue/internal monologue, where I do try to make the different characters sound reasonably close to how they would in canon). My excuse is I'm using HP fanfic for personal writing practice, and I want to find a voice for myself, heh. But with Discworld, the sound of the language is half the point! If I try another Pratchett piece someday, I'll work harder on that part.

(Your S&S fic didn't feel "fake" to me!)

You're making me want to read Thud again!

Hee hee. I needed to skim it Saturday night before finishing the drabble (I had thoughts of trying to bring Sally into things, but in the end she wasn't cooperating), and it was hard not to sit down and just start reading it straight through. (What I'm actually reading in spare moments these days is Curse of Chalion...again. ;) )

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

(What I'm actually reading in spare moments these days is Curse of Chalion...again. ;) )

I have nothing to say but Ha! ;)

[tegdoh.livejournal.com]

He reached for the truncheon, which, now that Angua had a chance to look at it in good light, seemed to be covered with a number of dark greasy-looking smears.


even though I'm not at all familiar with Discworld, this made me LOL.

[shimotsuki.livejournal.com]

Hee! Actually, that was the sentence that I think came closest to actually sounding like Pratchett.

The implication, of course, is that Angua has been putting her truncheon to good use against miscreants... ;) She's a member of the City Watch.

(I know the last thing you need right now is a new leisure activity, but Discworld is a lot of fun. The very first book in the series isn't necessarily the best, but most of the rest of them are hilarious and a little poignant and just generally a lot of fun. And don't have to be read in order. Heh.)

[hrymfaxe.livejournal.com]

Oh dear! LOL! I'm unfamiliar with Discworld too, but this would so be me if someone landed their child on my lap. Panic! What can we distract this incrompehensible creature with??? And then of course, someone turning up just when the situation has been defused and going all: "aaaww, you DO like children, I knew it!"

Lots of really funny bits in there too - very Pratchet to have the mind scrambling inside shiny helmets, to sweep in like a ship at full sail, and also to have the child gnawing at a weapon. ;) Good stuff!

[shimotsuki.livejournal.com]

Thanks -- I'm glad you found this funny! I'm afraid the ship at full sail is something of a cliché in English (I should have noticed that and used something else :/ ), but the other two were things I put in on purpose to be more Pratchett-like.

someone turning up just when the situation has been defused and going all: "aaaww, you DO like children, I knew it!"

Heh heh. Exactly. And it's even more frustrating for Angua to be hearing this from Carrot, because he has this uncanny (and important, but I won't spoil you!!) way of making pretty much everyone like him instantly. ;)