[Ficlet] The Hardest Word

[shimotsuki]

Thanks to huldrejenta, I found out just in time about a commentfest for Dog Days of Summer 2015 at sirius_black (naughty Sirius -- the commentfest post image is rather NSFW if you click through).

Title: The Hardest Word (216 words | PG/mild profanity | Marauder era)
Prompt: "a subtle apology", optional R/S
Notes: In my head, this is genfic, but it could certainly be R/S as well.

The Hardest Word
Apologies were for the meek, not for the bold. They were for people who didn't feel their place in the world (on top of the world), viscerally, through the soles of their boots.

They were certainly not for the fearless heir to the House of Black.

They...

They were bloody damn difficult, is what they were.

Especially now that Sirius had done the worst possible thing he could have imagined in a hundred lifetimes.

He hated the way Remus always looked past him. Sat with Evans in classes, instead of where he belonged. Smiled politely (distantly, from across a hundred lifetimes), no matter what ridiculous or asinine remark Sirius threw his way. Trapped himself inside the Shack, because with only Prongs and Wormtail there, everyone agreed it was too dangerous for the wolf to run free (and everyone, even Peter, looked sidewise at Sirius when that pronouncement was made).

The one time he had slipped and said Moony, Remus had sat frozen for a full twenty seconds before standing up and walking away. Walking away. Away.

"I'm sorry," he whispered now, in the hospital wing, silent as stone and lit only by the cold silver of a waning gibbous moon. "I'm sorry -- sorry -- sorry --"

But he would be gone before Remus woke.

.

Comments

[backstgartist.livejournal.com]

Tear my heart out! :O
This is a gorgeous little snippit. Damn that Sirius!

[merryb87.livejournal.com]

Oh so good to see your writing here! But that was sad little story and a moment you captured really well. Always a fan of yours.

[shimotsuki.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks!

Yeah -- I imagine young Sirius has basically no experience with (sincere) apologies at all, and this really really important one is not an easy place to start. :/

[shimotsuki.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for the kind words!

I've been working hard on the next Kaleidoscope chapter, but with my job being really busy and all it's been taking, literally, months. I hope to be able to post it before much longer, though.

[starfishstar]

Oh, I love it! Yes, yes. That's so very Sirius.

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

Oh, nice! :) I like the opening sentence and Sirius' internal struggle and guilt; it's easy to imagine young Remus having already perfected the art of not looking at someone who matters a great deal to him.

And that 'even Peter' is wonderfully cutting. Ouch!

[shimotsuki.livejournal.com]

Ha -- glad you thought so! And thanks. :)

[shimotsuki.livejournal.com]

As utterly stupid as The Prank was, I really do see Sirius as setting it up because he was hotheaded and arrogant, and only realizing afterward what an utterly horrific situation he had put Remus in. And then, I can see him having no idea whatsoever how to go about making amends. (This might need a sequel someday.)

And that 'even Peter' is wonderfully cutting. Ouch!

Oh, interesting! I like your take on that. I was actually thinking more along the lines of, even Peter was appalled enough to risk standing up (just a little bit) to the Sirius he usually idolized.